Friday, February 27, 2009


Pipsqueaks a-Go-Go

You know, I've been somewhat dispirited since the departure of Bush-Cheney. You can sense my ennui in the lack of recent posts.

Ass-wise, Bush-Cheney were such a broad barn-side for my contempt. They embodied so much of what is wrong in our country. The pipsqueaks they have left behind hardly seem worth the
trouble of pillorying. A lingering case of bronchitis deprives me of the snark I need to bitch-slap them into place.

Make no mistake: they do continue to annoy. The idiots who call Obama the anti-Christ
or compare him to Hitler are beyond pathetic, and they are several. That's the price we pay for living in a society that includes huge numbers of people who read the Bible literally and understand history imperfectly.

Add to the Rev. Mannings of the world the buffoons who currently inhabit Congress, including Rep. Bachman and Sen.
Shelby, and elected officials look about as bad. Where do these clowns come from, and what does it say about those who cast their votes in their favor?

We have gone from the age of magnificent, Cheney-scale evil to the banality noted during the Nuremburg trials by Hannah Arendt. Now we have the petty little poops who ran up the deficit lining up to denounce the stimulus package while standing silent on the actual cost of the war, something that was never included in Bush-Cheney budgets.

After the exhilaration of the B-C departure comes a certain emotional flatness. I'm weary of petty stupidity and small-town mayors who email pictures of the White House with a watermelon patch in front. I'm tired of so-called men of God whose spiritual messages consist of racist name calling. I'm sick of the knee-jerk reaction of Americans to the word socialism, and free-market worshipers who ran our country into debt and our retirement accounts into the ground.

Bitch, bitch, bitch. I'll be back, folks, when my lungs clear and my sense of humor returns.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Seth Says It Best

I almost bought a big box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes yesterday, because it still had Michael Phelps on it. But I've sworn never to buy their products again, not after what they did to the kid.


Monday, February 09, 2009


Norman Coleman Endorsed by God, Heavenly Hosts

In an attempt to resolve the drawn-out recount for Minnesota's seat in the U.S. Senate, God, flanked by a Political Action Committee of Heavenly Hosts, made a rare public appearance in order to endorse Norman Coleman for the job.

'It's true--I reallyreallyreally want him to win," the Lord and Creator of the Universe said, panting a little, in an exclusive interview. He was confirming a recent statement Coleman made in which he said that he began each morning with a prayer, and he knew that God wanted him to serve.

When asked why He supported Coleman over rival Al Franken, God replied, "Norm starts every day with a prayer. He will not leave me alone. I need to get him off my back. I have a lot to do besides worry about some six-bit post for Norman Coleman. My inbox is stuffed with pressing business, and every day there is his high-priority message, all in red letters. He's driving me nuts. Sheesh--what a whiner. The sonofabitch has worn me down. He could have my job if he wasn't such a weenie. But there are other weenies in the Senate."

He then
gave a downbeat to the Heavenly Hosts, who sang on command with the candidate:

Norman, Oooooooooo-ooooh-ooh
Norman, Oooooooooo-ooooh-ooh
Norman, Oooooooooo-ooooh-ooh
Norman, my Love!

Sunday, February 08, 2009


Like a Virgin

It's not as bad as it looks: I still am mad for Obama. I just wish he hadn't fallen in with the wrong crowd.

I have long bemoaned the culture of celebrity, America's twisted departure from royalty to a bizarre meritocracy. Suddenly, rather than living our lives to their fullest, we allow serious psychic space to the airport tantrums of Lindsey Lohan, child-rearing examples from Madonna, and sermons on green living from Brad and Angelina.

From there it's a short hop to political celebrity, and to the jerks with which the most promising president in recent history has surrounded himself. While he has yet to put Lindsey Lohan into a position of responsibility, he has gone for people who should have headed his list of People To Avoid.

This is nowhere more evident (the Daschle debacle aside) than in the selection of his team of economic advisers. First, a Secretary of the Treasury who doesn't pay his taxes and a former lobbyist as his chief of staff, then the pompous ass from Harvard who was ditched for his many people skills (who can't wait to ignore Paul Volcker, the newest addition), just to show how much he has learned about how to get along.

And where, oh where, is Paul Krugman? His credentials ought to be Good Enough... his Nobel Prize in Economics is barely unpacked from the trip to Stockholm last summer. His Conscience of a Liberal, a bold title in any season, should have space on Obama's shelf, and his voice ought to ring in the Oval Office.

We are seeing too many people who are part of the problem. It's a lot to ask them to be part of the solution, unless the Age of Responsibility has taken the form of hauling a recalcitrant Junior to his cyclone-strewn bedroom: you made the mess; you clean it up. And no dessert till you do!

I was concerned (though too emotional at the time) from inauguration day on, when I spied a picture of Rahm Emmanuel thumbing his nose at someone from the dais. He was probably taking a shot at my beloved Howard Dean, his rival in national party policy, and whom he successfully froze out of any position in the administration, even though Dean'd be great on health care policy, both as a medical doctor and former governor who greatly expanded health care coverage in Vermont. That's the sort of omission we can't afford, even though he and Emmanuel were at loggerheads about the best way to build the party and funnel contributions. (Dean's 50 state strategy is responsible for the Democratic majority we see in Congress, by the way.)

If Obama wants to replicate the Team of Rivals of Lincoln, he should give Dean good breathing space in his administration and tell Emmanuel what to do with his thumb.

I don't give a shit about coats and ties in whatever official locale. An aloha shirt and hiking shorts in the heat of summer are fine by me. A well-insulated leather jacket in February would be hot.

But I don't like the smart-ass hoodlums who are hangin' with my Prez.

You're young, you're brilliant, you're beautiful, and you've got great moves, Barack... but lose these losers.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009


Memo to House Cats

To: Rudy, Sassafras, and Indigo
From: Mama Lulu Maude
RE: View attached video

Please review the attached and prepare a response for discussion at our upcoming family meeting.

I only wish that discourse were this civilized in our household. Those scabs on Sassafras's neck tell me that we have a long way to go.

We will discuss various win-win options and develop an Action Plan with verifiable benchmarks for 2009.

Come. Let us reason together.

Thank you,
The Management

Sunday, February 01, 2009


Oh, Andrew--You're a Card!

There's nothing like one of the old Bushies to tell us all how Obama ought to govern. In true Republican/Fox News style Card implies that Obama comes scratching into the Oval Office in stained sweats. What a liar.

CARD: I found that Ronald Reagan and both President Bushes treated the Oval Office with tremendous respect. They treated the Office of the Presidency with tremendous respect. And some of that respect was reflected in how they expected people to behave, how they expected them to dress when they walked into the symbol of freedom for the world, the Oval Office. And yes, I’m disappointed to see the casual, laissez faire, short sleeves, no shirt and tie, no jacket, kind of locker room experience that seems to be taking place in this White House and the Oval Office.

Yes, never have we seen higher expectation of a White House staff than those set by Dubya and Dickie:

The treatment of the Constitution like toilet tissue;

The use of the U.S. Treasury as petty cash for cronies in no-bid contracts;

The seizing of a country for its oil under the guise of spreading democracy;

The sale of the environment to the highest bidders;

The fostering of an anti-intellect, anti-science culture...

Yes, those were the good old days! Thanks for reminding us all, Andrew, of the Tremendous Respect in which the administration held the Oval Office.

Now, Andrew, go hang yourself with your fucking tie.

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