Monday, September 19, 2005


Why It’s Hard to Write Fiction

You just can’t make up stuff like this…

Love Surely Does

I may not agree with Pat Robertson, but I will defend to the death his right to put LSD in his Ensure Plus.

Robertson’s latest foray into public consciousness is to attribute Hurricane Katrina to the selection of Ellen Degeneres as host to the upcoming Emmys. (That is, if they weren’t last night… I don’t have a TV)..

Acoording to Dateline Hollywood, Pat Robertson on Sunday said that Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of expressing His anger at the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for its selection of Ellen Degeneres to host this year’s Emmy Awards. “By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God’s wrath,” Robertson said on “The 700 Club” on Sunday. “Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?”

Robertson also noted that the last time Degeneres hosted the Emmys, in 2001, the September 11 terrorism attacks took place shortly before the ceremony.

“This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards,” Robertson explained to his approximately one million viewers. “America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation.”

Robertson added that other tragedies of the past several years can be linked to Degeneres’ growing national prominence. September, 2003, for example, is both the month that her talk show debuted and when insurgents first gained a foothold in Iraq following the successful March invasion. “Now we know why things took a turn for the worse,” he explained.

In order to avoid further tragedy, Robertson called not only for the Television Academy to find a new heterosexual host, but to bar all homosexuals and bisexuals from taking part in the ceremony.

He said employees at the Christian Broadcasting Network had put together a list of 283 nominees, presenters, and invited guests at the Emmys known to be of sexually deviant persuasions.

“God already allows one awards show to promote the homosexual agenda,” Robertson declared. “But clearly He will not tolerate such sinful behavior to spread beyond the Tonys.” Clearly, Rosie is bad enough, but that shames Degenerate?

Makes you wonder why the Almighty didn’t just send an earthquake to the site of the ceremonies. Of course, that may be next.

And what fun the list of the 283 would be! Does it include Tinky Winky?

And... Coming to New Orleans... Intelligent Design, in 6 Days!

Guess who Bush has put in charge of the reconstruction of N’Awlins… KARL ROVE!!!

That’s right. The Big Sleazy has been designated to oversee the re-building of the Big Easy! No doubt God (Gawd?) told Dubya that Rove was the man for the job.

Hmmm… is Karl Rove God? He seems to tell Dubya what to do, and D. does obey. Rove does look a little like a Judeo-Christian god: uncomfortable with the body, highly domed for that extra dose of smarts that Dubya needs in an (pardon the expression) intelligent designer.

We may never know whether New Orleans is actually rebuilt. But Rove will convince a critical mass of the American public that it’s never been more beautiful. That’s his special gift. He can make Kerry a coward, Mc Cain a traitor… blowing smoke over NOLA should be a piece of cake.

Make your reservations early!

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