Friday, April 29, 2005


The Great Speckled Bird: coming to you a school near you!

Bibles in the Odessa, TX classroom -- no problem
The school board in this West Texas town voted unanimously to add a Bible class to its high school curriculum. –news item




PLOT SUMMARY: This book is about the world, how it began and how it’s going to end. In it, God makes the world a couple of times, gets pissed off at the people he put in it, and jerks them around somewhat. First he gives them a nice place, then he kicks them out of it, then he hoses the whole place down for 40 days and 40 nights while two of everybody goes on a cruise. Then they get out at Mt. Ararat and shop. Finally, God rips off some land belonging to other people and gives it to his people. Then he lets the other people kick his people out. Noah gets drunk and hangs out after he passes out. Onan was the first masturbator. God zaps him. Then Job gets pestilences and boils on his butt, and he cries out Why Me Lord? God says there aren’t any guarantees, even if your good. Then he tells all the complainers and whiners that it’s their own fault that their lives suck. Sometimes he hardens the hearts of some of their enemies just for the hell of it. Once his people begged him for help against a really obnoxious guy who was putting Zeus-statues in their temple, but God was having a big fight of his own in heaven and told them to call back later. Then he had a son with a virgin and worked it so that he would be put to death as a sacrifice for all the sinners of the world. Jesus said Blessed are the poor which my teacher says to ignore. Anyway, losing his Son calmed God down for some reason, and he patched things up with people. Now his dead son is going to come back and serve as a judge with him, and they’re going to put an end to history with a really big blow out. John this guy on an island said so he said he had a vision. Or maybe he just had tomatoes at dinner and a really bad dream. It was pretty colorful, though.

OPINION: I liked this book a lot. God is a pretty wild story teller, and he’s cool to show himself acting like such a psychopath sometimes. I wish I could of named the animals. That would be so far out. How did Adam come up with leopard, anyway? Zebra? I liked the fights and the big flood. I wish I could rise up and slay my brother sometimes, so I liked the Cain and Abel. Ditto Abraham going in unto that slave girl. When I get lucky someday I will refer to it as going in unto. The poems were sort of boring: all that whining about mine enemies. The only exception was that love song by Solomon which my teacher says is about Christ and his church. I don’t think so. Does the church have hips?
The best part is the part about history coming to an end with a big show of force. I don’t like history. It’s a drag, and I think that sending it off with explosions and a lot of judging ought to be really interesting. Sort of like Survivor or American Idol, only bigger.
I would recommend this book to my friends if I had any. The end.

Thursday, April 28, 2005


Get Your Own Damn Vaseline

How embarrassing it is to admit that I even pay attention to the trial of Michael Jackson. But I do seem to get crazy when it comes to the thought of children being molested (such a mild term; in Spanish molestar means to bother). Now we have this show in which everyone comes off as demented, corrupted.

Even The Smoking Gun rings hollow. It was there a couple of years ago I read the actual court papers on the case involving the pathetic little King of Pop, smuggled out by some employee who didn’t think that $20 million was adequate recompense for the deeds that NAMBLA seems to think that the rest of us merely misunderstand. (It’s interesting that a visit to NAMBLA’s website doesn’t reveal any commentary, pro or con, on the current trial.)

Anyway, I stopped by The Smoking Gun yesterday to find its folks disdaining the latest revelation by Jackson’s prosecutor regarding some employee who was summoned to bring The King of Pop a jar of Vaseline one night, only to find him in an erect state and in the obvious throes of passion, with the previous victim in the background. TSG sniffed something about the baseness of such new revelations, even though the original document published years early was pretty explicit. Interesting to see where these folks draw their lines.

Well! Michael, if you don’t want these bothersome details to surface in any future trials, get your own damn Vaseline. Even with a raise, from $1700 to $3400 a month as part of your security detail, these folks aren’t to be trusted. It must be something to work for a piddling $1700 a month to secure Neverland (from what? Stalkers? Cops? Mommies and Daddies?), only to receive the “security!” call, to rush to your employer’s aid, only to be told to bring him a jar of Vaseline.

More helpful has been the mother of two of Jackson’s children, Debbie Rowe, who turned on the prosecutor who asked her to testify, only to declare that her interview on the video made in Jackson’s defense wasn’t coached. “Nobody tells me what to say.” She was supposedly coming to the aid of Michael and the children. It’s interesting that she isn’t allowed to see the children.

Wonder what her settlement was. Certainly more than $3400 a month.

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