Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Safe in the Loving Arms of AIG

For the past 19 years I have lived in Vermont with varying degrees of enthusiasm, the greatest of which has been in the most recent three years, thanks to my peachy library job.

it's clear that I am going to have to move on. It breaks my heart.

You see, like so many of my fellow educators, I invested the principal part of my retirement accounts with --dare I say it?-- AIG.

It wasn't AIG at the time; it was VALIC, or the Variable Annuity Life Insurance Company. It was like getting your auto insurance with Horace Mann: just what teachers and administrators did. That or go into real estate, at which time our most astute colleagues would check listings during their prep periods and bolt from the parking lot exactly one half hour after the end of school.

I did the VALIC thing, having a sum deducted from my paycheck before I could run off and spend it on some foolishness. I was Investing In My Future.

A few years back, AIG, which had been behind VALIC all along, dumped the V-facade and renamed our accounts in the holy name of AIG Retirement. Wasn't that a great idea?

So now you know. I will probably have to work the rest of my life: now in the library (yay), and eventually, if I don't act quickly, probably some goddam Big Box store. So I'm packing now.

I'm going to live on the palatial estate of one of those AIG executives. I can vacuum the pool and clean up the poodle poop on the acres of spacious lawn, not that I should have to do anything. mind you. I just like to keep busy.

It's the least these guys can do,
feed me their beef Wellington and lobster newburg table scraps and let me bathe in their pools. They have crapped away my money, (I lost $20 grand in the last quarter alone) and spent vast sums on salaries they didn't deserve, not to mention the infamous bonuses. I can set up a little tent and invite other retired educators to join me in a cheery little city. Welcome to Liddyville! We'll buy pretty tents out of our piddly pensions: green, blue, yellow, red, and orange. Oh, it'll be so gay! In the evening we can sing Woody Guthrie songs and make school banners out of our old t-shirts. Let your colors fly!

It doesn't seem that any of the zillions allocated to AIG are meant for the likes of me, so I've decided to be a boil on the ass of one of its executives. I hope not to be alone.

Please pass this on to any similarly unfortunate retired educator. The more tents we put together, the prettier our collective canvas rainbow.


Vigilante has located on of the execs at AIG. He has posted a photo of the guy along with his name. He seems to be peering around a lovely cream colored pillar, maybe somewhere on his palatial estate. You must go to Vig's site now and ask for directions, I'll pick up your http thingy and drop it off there now, so Vig will be looking for you. You can find him on my list of favs. He's called Vigil or The Vigil. I'm not kidding.

Did you see all the people marching with signs and inflammatory T Shirts in front of the AIG HQ today? Soon there will be pitch forks. I've got one. Just saying.
I feel that all the top executives in AIG (or whatever acronym they want to be called) should have their testicles boiled in waste water from Vermont Yankee, made to swallow the remains, and hung from the highest birch tree in New England. That said, it is sad that people who have spent their entire life serving the public in various educational positions should be treated by the likes of George Bushs' anal hairs as if they are nothing but cow pies.......
Goodness, Truman. You seem like such a gentle dog.
Oh God, you know this news hurts me because you more than anyone deserves a gentle, secure retirement.
I recall a day back in the 70's when you were in your 20's, outside tending your perfect little strawberry patch at your Laguna Beach mini-palace.
You were eagerly anticipating delivery of some Italian Cypress trees you special ordered from Northern California.
I saw back then a woman who deserved the right to putter in her garden, read books by the fire and chillax in general.
I wish I could choke those AIG bastards until they coughed up your money.
Putting a face on the damage they've done makes the outrage even more palpable.
I'm sorry, baby.
Damn! My post got abducted into the ether.

I'll try again--

So sorry the AIG bastards did this, but also sorry to say, no matter what the Brand name of financial mismanagers were, most everyone with 401k retirement money in the stock market took it in the shorts- myself included. I got got the gosh, looks like we lost 29% last round, letter.

Please leave space for me & my tent. I'll bring my peace flag & my 3 x 5 US flag, hung upsidedown- demonstrating the official flag etiquitte for a Distress signal- as in Nation in Distress.

There we can gather round & toast cheers to the criminals in their coats & ties on Wall Street while we live in squalor.

Wall Street asks- What's the problem? We have contracts with bonuses. Bastards!
Thanks for the memory, Zippie. Only they were Monterey cypresses. (Think of the 17 mile drive).

Fran, there are more of us than we can count. We'll make a delightful encampment.

Any excuse for a party!
I'd like to post your piece at my place. Kind of like having you guest blogger at my place. I keep thinking about your situation and that you've written so clearly and movingly about how AIG personally effects you. And like you it effects in a terribly personal way so many others in your situation. I could write about you, but you in your words is far more potent than anything I could write. Will you let me know? I'd like to do it today. My email is posted in my profile if you don't want to leave me a comment on my current post. But I feel an urgency to post your piece. The AIG mess is hard for people to understand. You make it so clear.
wow...I am so so sorry you are going through this...I have a post up linking back to you....I am covering the Reality of what we all are living through.....but I wish I could do more....this post needed to be written...and so bravely you did it- I hope you don't mind I send folks to read it....
Sure. No problem.
Leave it to you to out-memory me.
Obviously you didn't blow enough weed in your salad days.
Hang in there Ms. Lulu. BTW, Liquiddaddy and Me will be singing Woody songs in Houston's ArtCar parade this May, we're Bound for Grapes of Wrath.
Fuck this sucks Lulu. 20 G's in one quarter? Jaysus friggin Christ.

On a lighter note.. the voodoo doll is priceless and I filched it..your work I presume? I will give proper accreditation if it is.
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