Tuesday, December 30, 2008


How to Screw Up the Middle East

1. Assume that the Middle East and its inhabitants belong in the butt-crack of the universal human body-mind. (Note placement of Africa, too, while you're at it... the metaphor applies to it, too.) Place the region on the world map accordingly.

2. Develop an unwholesome interest in exploiting the resources of the region In the National Interest.

3. Strike an unholy deal with the auto industry. Discourage the development of public transportation in your own country.

4. Convince U.S. citizens that the automobile is an indispensable part of The Good Life, the individual's piece of The National Interest.
Assure them that cheap oil is part of their birthright. Discourage all attempts at lasting alternative energy solutions.

5. Decide that Arabs and Persians don't know what's Good for Them. Offer technical assistance.
Offer to relieve them of their natural resources. Choose their leaders for them and support their dominance of their citizens.

6. Collude with Great Britain to make Palestine a British Protectorate. It'll be easier to hand over later, since the Palestinians already need "protecting."

7. Buy into the idea that any one of the world's tribes is truly God's Chosen People.
Use the Bible as an instrument of foreign policy. Ignore the fact that nearly every tribe on the globe sees itself as the Chosen People.

8. Simultaneously, ignore the Holocaust till after it's had its way with 6 million-plus Jews. They're the Chosen People, but not that Chosen. After all, Jesus is Lord!

9. Now that God's Chosen People have been murdered, maimed, tortured, and enslaved, make nice. Give them a homeland, as long as it doesn't have to be your own. Let the Chosen People protect the Palestinians.

10. As part of the PR for depriving the Palestinians of their homes, farms, orchards, etc., pretend that the whole area was an undeveloped desert, that nobody lived there.
Repeat often.

11. Allow the new state of Israel to have armed forces. Give them money and sell them lots of arms.

12. Forbid Palestinians any right to a military to provide for the common defense.
Label any efforts to gain defense as terrorism. Attack any Palestinian claims to rights as a refusal to accept the existence of Israel.

13. Develop policies designed to force out Palestinians. They are, after all, Arabs, and as such, inferior to God's Chosen People. (See #1.)
Ignore Palestinian pleas for autonomy.

14. Suggest that anyone who objects to these policies is anti-Semitic. It's all very simple, after all, even if Arabs and Israelis are all classified as Semitic people.

15. Invade Iraq. They're terrorists, too. Be sure to leave borders open after conquest. You're gonna need those terrorists to justify parking your asses in their country. After all--they need our protection.

16. Threaten to invade Iran.

17. Do not talk to anyone with whom you disagree in the name of "not negotiating with terrorists." Shrug off suggestions that you are acting like terrorists yourselves.

18. Mix thoroughly.

19. Add gasoline, fire, water, and serve.

20. Let Bush preside over the whole fucking mess.
Thanks for topping it off, Zippie!

However, this one is years --decades, really-- in the making. He can be credited for undoing any progress that Clinton worked so hard to make, tho'.
21. Let Obama and Hillary inherit the problem as both sides of the aisle are beholden to the interests of Israel.

Right on for calling on a bit of truth.

Great graphic. Did you photo shop that yourself?
Yeah, did you shop that excellent graphic lulu? Cuz I am stealing it and want to give credit if I ever use it.

Also, I am putting this post at Sirens Chronicles if you don't mind, it's fucking awesome.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?