Thursday, November 06, 2008


Filling a Market Niche

Well, dears, I don't know about you and this economy, but let me tell you--Lulu isn't lettin' any grass grow beneath her feet. Like any whiz-bang entrepreneur, she is constantly scannin' the free market horizon, gettin' ready to make her next big score.

If my diction is gettin' a little more caz-zhool, I'm just tryin' to master the idiom of my student-to-be, the next Senator from The Great State of Alaska.

Yep, welcome to Lulu's Portable Prep School for Congressional Wanna-Be's. Since it's only a matter of time till Ted Stevens gets his eviction notice from the SOB (Senate Office Building), I'm sure that Sarah Palin will be wantin' to bone up on a few fundamentals before she's jumpin' on Todd's snowmobile and hittin' the campaign trail.

I'm lookin' forward to workin' with Sarah. Here's our first lesson. Color Malawi in red, Botswana in blue, Kenya in yellow. What are the principal products of Madagascar? Does Robert Mugabe have any principles? What's the Ivory Coast known for? Extra credit: write a report about the lima bean and its nation of origin. Put it in one of those nice covers.

You see, Sarah had a dental appointment on the day they were doin' Africa in 9th grade social studies. She was havin' her teeth sharpened, and bein' such a nice kid, a coach-teacher's pet of sorts, he didn't see anything wrong with lettin' her skip the assignment. After all, what do Alaskans need to know about Africa?

Now that it's time to spackle in a few areas of Sarah's world knowledge, I'm pretty sure I'm goin' to find a ready pupil. I'm contractin' with Ted Stevens to bring her up to speed on technology; he's agreed to let her do a special diorama of the series of tubes that is the Internet.

So doncha worry about old Lulu in this economic downturn. I figure that I'm worth about as much as the stylist who adjusted Sarah's lipliner and blush, so $22K a week should get me by. I'll be campin' out at the governor's mansion, since Sarah's per diem for workin' at home is a little too sweet to pass up. Can you blame her?

So write when you can. Just send any emails care of Ted' and keep me up to date on what's happenin' in the lower 48. I'll miss ya, but I've gotta follow the money, doncha know?

You betcha.

Sarah Palin would hate your school marm guts!
Why bother with learnin' when your (sic) smokin' hot?
Nah, she's got this.
And nobody cares about the country of Africa, neither.
goshdarntootin' that there was a knee-slapper! jes readin' that, i did me some learnin' 'bout africky, you betcha!
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