Tuesday, September 02, 2008


Ask Sarah!

She's shown us gals that we can do it all--be basketball stars, beauty queens, wives, mothers, hockey moms, and now, Our Party's candidate for vice president of the United States of America!

Now Sarah extends the hand of friendship and support to her fellow Vagina-Americans and answers your questions here!

Dear Sarah!

ongratulations on your very big honor. I'm so excited for you and am looking forward to the day when we'll have a roll model like you just a heartbeat away from the presidency!!! It's just too fab! Well, on to my problem. Like I said before, your a real roll model for me, and like you, I never forget that Jesus is Lord. However, my daughter Brandi seems to have taken after her father, my first hubby, and has turned into a fornicator of the first order. Now she has two rug-brats and another on the way, and she expects me to look after them while she attends welfare-to-work classes at the local junior college. When I read that your own Bristol was about to become a mother, I knew that you would be the one to help me. Frankly, my ambitions run more toward yours, and I didn't raise that little tramp to provide me with more baby sitting in my golden years. I have found me a good Christian man who won't stand in my way, so the skys the limit. How will do combine motherhood, grandmotherhood, and vice presidenthood? Please answer soon!

Ambitious Too

Dear Ambitious,

I believe that it was my husband Todd's great-great Eskimo grandmother who once said, It Takes a Village to Raise a Grandchild. Of course, some liberal politician had to come along and steal that for a book title, but believe me, I heard it here first.

Think about it: it takes a village. By village I mean the people who can be there for your children and grandchildren while you take the credit for being a mom and pursue power.

My "village" is made up of my many loved ones, as well as the experiences I have had over the years. My lifelong membership in the NRA made me the the crack shot I am today, and as a result I am about to have a brand-new son-in-law who knows better than to drop little Bristol after he's had his way with her! I shot my first rabbit when I was only 10, and if Levi thinks that he isn't just another horny little bunny to me, he has another think coming! As for Bristol, she needs to learn that fornication leads to babies leads to life as a wife and mother. I will leave her my big book of wild game recipes and two cartons of Pampers when I head for Washington!

The sharp elbows I developed from my basketball days (they didn't call me Sarah Barracuda for nothing!) developed in me the ruthlessness that a gal needs for a successful political career. I can shove anyone aside--kids, grandkids, commissioners, library directors, police chiefs, state troopers--never losing sight of my goals. There's no decision you make that you can't deny later, and of course, all medical records are confidential, so you pretty much have a free ride when it comes down to any squeaker situations.

I couldn't have accomplished all that I have without the love, support, and fear of those in my special "village." I recommend that you draw upon your personal "small town" to make your own dreams come true!


p.s. Just to show you that government can be responsive to your needs, I promise to cancel any welfare-to-work programs at local junior colleges the minute I get into office! That'll keep the little slut home!

I knew you couldn't stay dormant for long, considering all the nutty GOP hyjinx going on lately.
Welcome back, baby!
this is too good!
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