Wednesday, March 19, 2008


Giving Political Wives a Bye

It happened with record speed: Eliot Spitzer was gone, David Paterson sworn in. There were the jubilant public radio interviews with spokes-folks of the handicapped? challenged? word of the week? I was just developing a fond feeling for the man who launched a couple of his jokes at his inauguration, hoping that he wouldn't get screwed by his fellow Empire State pols, when word of Paterson's press conference came, giving even more hope to Americans with Disabilities: not only can you aspire to high office, you can get laid as well.

As usual, there was his Wife By His Side.

Most news stories which purport to break the latest nookie scoop regarding our elected officials begin with the phrase, with his wife by his side. It's so reassuring, though I'm not sure to whom, for the cameras to play across the face of the latest cipher-spouse. Look! She's looking sort of sympathetic! (Mrs. James ["I am a gay American"] McGreevey); That woman's gotta be in denial (Mrs. Larry ["I am NOT gay"] Craig); I wouldn't let that asshole lay a hand on me if I were her (Mrs. David Vitter);Wow, is she ever pissed! (Mrs. Eliot Spitzer), and now She doesn't really look as if she had to wait around for his ol' dumb self (Mrs. David Paterson).

It's a shame that we can't always know what roads our spouses may eventually take. Otherwise it might be possible to insert the Not By-His-Side clause into prenuptial agreements, contracts that ought to required for those seeking public office. Think of it: In the event that the party of the second part is discovered wiggling his private parts in public places, humping members of his staff in private and tax-supported institutions, or coked out of his head in a brothel, the party of the first part is hereby released from any obligation to take a position by the side of the party of the second part. The party of the second part will be forced to cover his own sorry ass out there in public.

Party of the first part is additionally spared two-bit psychoanalysis by members of the Fifth Estate until such time as she is pissed off enough to speak out on her own, to the interviewer of her choice. Party of the second part hereby agrees to supply party of the first part with the substance of her choice for enduring the
ensuing storm.

A part of me is perversely pleased that David P. is one of the boys. He'll be able to take care of himself, I think. His romps, unlike those of his predecessor, were free and therefore entirely legal, a dubious consolation, I know, reflective of the times. Still, women deserve protection, at least till the distant(?) day when some husband has to stand at the side of his politico-wife who has turned up on the internet wielding whips and chains and wiping whip cream from her considerable bosom. The Not-By-His Side prenup clause can serve as a stopgap till then.

Lulu Maude, Esq. reminds you that you read it here first.

oh I love it, really good made me laugh...the NOT BY HIS SIDE Clause.....
( hmm, I wonder if it should come with a Special Photo Outfit fee.....and a clause that the Other Woman also re required to be in the Photo....)

( I don't get it....if the SOB did this to me....there would NEVER be a BY HIS SIDE photo...ever...)
You are a riot! there were some good editorial jabs re Spitzer-- the front shot of the wife standing by her man, the back side where she has on a boxing glove & is literally giving him a kick in the ass as he speaks.
If my partner pulled crap like that-- that person would not think about inviting me to stand by while they delivered their sorry ass confession/apology. You did this yourself, you deal with the fallout.

SNL quipped Mrs Spitzer was standing nearby, but only to make sure he did not have a prostitute under the podium!

Crazy times!

the biggest puzzler to me is Laura Bush- how could a teacher live with W? Although she dodges photo ops-- she has stayed with him.
Actually, I think that Laura's "educational career" is more hype than substance. When the media refer to Jenna as a teacher, when all I have been able to dig up is a single gig as a teacher's aide, I can only assume that Laura's resume has been similarly inflated. She probably dumped the career the second she married young Dubya and has been in a cautious, if parasitic relationship to the Bush clan ever since--greasing her own skids with Big Barb by reprising the family First Lady role.

Ugh, and ugh again.
Well whatever Laura's motive to be involved, she sure as hell stays far far away from the classic podium sideline support stance these other ladies have endured. Still she is a creepy lady- married to an even creepier guy.
Are you old enough to remember the ad, "Ladies! Make Your Husband Feel Like a President with the Adoring Nancy Neck Brace?? Nancy Reagan established the standard, I think. Mamie was off tossing down cocktails, Jacqueline redecorating and developing her own legions of adorers. I don't even remember Lady Bird or Roselyn...
and can you imagine seeing Eleanor Roosevelt EVER having a By His Side Podium Moment ? or Mamie Eisenhower? NOPE....would NOT happen....

and then there was Pat Nixon and Betty Ford....both opted for the Bottle and pills...anesthesia rather than reality...

the only woman we have seen Podium Side with Bush....hmmm, Harriet "Oh I love him so" Miers,,,,,and Stink Eye Condi Rice- seriously she is all dewy eyed when she is with Senate hearings here Stink Eye is in full gear....

Okay I have rambled enough...
You sure as hell didn't see Hillary standing anywhere near Bill when he was sweating out the Monica Lewinsky affair.
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