Tuesday, February 05, 2008


How to Maintain the Status Quo

1. Watch lotsa TV. You've worked hard all day--you deserve a break! Be sure to include The Apprentice; you can muse emptily on whom The Donald will next ax. Such a clever fellow! Anyway, since there's a writer's strike on, you'll be unusually dependent on the so-called reality shows, full of people whose tasks are even more odious than the ones you have to perform every day. You can count yourself as mighty lucky! Yes, sir!

2.Immerse yourself in celebrity misery. Britney's meltdown is a perfect distraction, and her troubles can serve to remind you that no matter how much money a person has, common sense is worth its weight in gold. We can tchh tchh and tell ourselves that the simple life is best. After you've read everything online and devoured People and Us, you can return to #1.

3. Allow your public libraries to collapse. The public library is the people's university. It's full of dangerous ideas, anyway. Our tax dollars can only go so far, and since people are reading less and less, why buck the trend? Our spending priorities ought to reflect society as it is, not as it should be. Pressure your elected representatives to replace libraries with cheap or free cable service. While your libraries gasp their last breaths, be sure to lodge complaints against any books they carry that might offend you, even --especially-- if you haven't read them.

4. Avoid buying fair traded items.
Part of our sacred free market system protects us from such indignities as supporting enterprises that offer a living wage to people in less developed countries. We're entitled to everything our grubby little paychecks can cover. Take advantage of shoes made by children in Viet Nam, coffee offered by multinationals that scrape hillsides dry in order to maximize planting. Outfit yourself in finery fresh from sweatshops du monde. You've worked hard for your money. Remember, too, that in our free trade economy, your principal role is that of consumer/stock holder. You don't want your dividends shot to hell, do you?

5. Support our troops' right to die for our corporations' freedom to expropriate the resources of other nations. It's just like the bumper stickers say, Freedom Isn't Free! Support also our troops' right to be bodily maimed and permanently brain damaged for the same noble cause. It's an all volunteer army; these guys and gals don't have anything better to do anyway. There aren't enough paying jobs for them at home, anyway, and funerals and survivor pensions make for great benefits. Remember: they're fighting over there so that we don't have to fight them over here! And those new prostheses are mighty handsome! Very high-tech and very now!

6. Learn as little as you can about other cultures. You will be best aided in this pursuit by giving strict allegiance to 1, 2, and 4. It's absolutely vital to the preservation of Our Way of Life that you not make the fatal mistake of thinking of inhabitants of other countries as human beings. They are lawless beasts and evil savages and deserve our bullets and our scorn, particularly when they are sitting on natural resources that would be better utilized by our considerable selves.

7. Remember that we are God's chosen people.
If everyone believed as we do, the blessings of liberty and prosperity would encircle the world rather than just the middle part of this one continent. That others don't enjoy our standard of living only underscores this point. His Mysterious Ways are moving us to the inevitable Armageddon when Jesus returns to earth and takes up arms against all the non-elect, anyway.

8.Know as little as possible about our Constitution. It's a cumbersome document, nice in theory but impossible in practice. The less you burden yourself with, the better you'll feel. Think of it as parchment under a thick canvas tarp: Pardon our mess! We're remodeling! Even as I write this, there are dedicated public servants taking out all the really icky stuff.

9. Party till you puke! Remember,drugs and alcohol are your best friends, your own personal medicine cabinet, and your frequent intake shows that you are a really fun person. You can also numb yourself out from bummers like global warming, unemployment, and hunger. They go great with Activity 1 and trans-fat foods.

10.Whenever somebody like me tries
to guilt-trip you, remember that this is a Free Country.Free! Free! Free! Who knows? If we stay on our present course, you might just be the one taking home that fat CEO pay package. It doesn't seem fair until you realize that, hey, that could be my Mc Mansion! Don't cut off your options. You can at least dream about them when you fall asleep during Activity 1.

I'm keeping the first two.
WOW!!!!! Quite the post.
From gagged Lady Liberty, to like the Valley Girls folly, like ya know....

I think you forgot one though-- Ignore the government and blow off participating or checking up on them following the rules, and laws. Not knowing the Constitution is one thing. But by ignoring the government, you allow sometimes elected officials to run this free country, freely, and with creativity like sercet prisons, torture, and disappearing documents. Maybe they get rid of some judges who are not "right", and out secret agents, while allowing government criminals to avoid jail time, and get off scott free, or is that "Scooter" free? It's so hard to keep track, so why bother. Refer back to #1 & 2.
George Bush Is Sharing His Fortune

Read carefully…
To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages, But this is from my friend Harriet Meyers and she really is an attorney.
If she says that this will work - It will work. After all, what have you got to lose?
SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I’m an attorney, And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured The White House and Congress will follow through with their promises for fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long ago.
Dear Friends: Please do not take this for a junk letter. George Bush sharing your fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later.
The White House and Congress are now the largest criminal conspiracies and in an effort to make sure that corporate freebooting remains the most widely used program, The White House and Congress are running an e-mail beta test.
When you forward this e-mail to friends, the NSA can and will track it under provisions of the FISA (If you are an American citizen) for a two week time period.
For every person that you forward this e-mail to, George Bush will pay you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, George Bush will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, You will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, George Bush will contact you for your address and then send you a check.
Regards. Mike Duncan, Chairman, Republican National Committee, Ph# 202 863-8500.
Thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on, George Bush contac ted me for my address and within days, I received a check for $24, 800.00. You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this, George Bush is the man.
It’s all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10, 000.00 We’re not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time. My brother’s girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game, she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped ‘Paid In Full’.

Best Regards,
Tina Benkiser, State Chairman, Republican Party of Texas, Ph# 512 477-9821.
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