Santa Cruz, CA--I don’t know what it Says About Me, but my closest friends live at significant distances. Therefore seeing them is something of a project.
I’m sure glad I came, though. The years had piled up into eight without any effort on either of our parts, and now I sit in the house of my precious pal, tapping away on my laptop and sharing guffaws at close range. Happiness! I won’t wait so long to jump on a plane henceforth.
My pal and her husband, who is my adopted bro, have a supremely happy marriage. They share interests, respect each other’s differences, and give each other lots of affection and support. They’re a joy to be around, individually and together.
What they have developed is a relationship free of blame. You won’t hear them bitch about each other at all. This is not glassy eyed cultism. This is thoughtfully working things out on the principles of love rather than in the deadly cocktails of fear and ego.
Of course, in many households there is a Supreme Being who guides such seeking couples toward the light. In this domicile there is Raoul.
I want to dub him St. Raoul, for the many boons he has granted these lovers of 33 years.
He has dispensed wisdom. He has absorbed blame for day-to-day shortcomings. (Oh, dear, Raoul forgot to take out the garbage today…) He even owned a car for a while that he lent to me on some of my other visits. When my pal locked her keys in the car yesterday, Raoul took some of the heat for fogging her mind, (though she was full of self blame, at least initially, till she remembered herself and her Spiritual Values.) Thank God Raoul has kept up the auto club membership all these years.
Once I was helping a friend move out of a faithless, sexist boyfriend’s house. He had a raccoon who looked just like Raoul. I had a very hard time not stealing him. If I hadn’t seen him as a truly unreliable responder (he once stole half of my phone—the handset!), I’d have made off with him and set up a shrine in my own home. Ever mindful of the laws of karma, I regretfully left him behind.
My esteemed colleague Sister Nancy Beth Eczema might see Raoul as a pagan idol, perhaps the embodiment of the AntiChrist, but to me he is a symbol of sanity and wisdom in the bidness of intimacy.