Saturday, November 24, 2007
Translating Newsweek's Newest Columnist
Now that Karl Rove has landed a column at Newsweek, I can see a role for the translation community. I suppose that the inclusion of Rove as a pundit for the magazine owned by the Washington Post (or is it the other way around?) can be read one of (at least) two ways:Newsweek is bending over backwards to create a semblance of balance by including him;
Newsweek and the Post itself are simply part of the American corporate presence that is more interested in bringing in the bucks than telling the truth.
As usual, I digress. We're talking about the need for translation here. I read Karl's first column the other day, and unless I'm mistaken, his points were lost in a lot of language that he didn't really mean, if past practices count for anything. There's work available here for someone who speaks fluent Weasel to help Karl's real points to emerge and see the light of day. For one thing, he sounds so respectable as he tells the as-yet-unselected Republican candidate how to beat Hillary:
Plan now to introduce yourself again right after winning the nomination. Don't assume everyone knows you. Many will still not know what you've done in real life. Create a narrative that explains your life and commitments. Every presidential election is about change and the future, not the past.
His point can best be translated as: Feel free to consult with me for a past-life makeover. I can recast your modest accomplishments into dizzying successes, if you turn me on enough.I can make you pious, macho, and cool. More important than that, ask me how to redefine Hillary for you.I'm sure we can come up with some great stories about the three abortions of mixed-race fetuses she is rumored to have had, and the three more she performed in a grubby little clinic in New Haven.And be sure to purchase Hillary nutcrackers by the gross. They'll go over great with the NASCAR dads.
Although Rove sounds positively presidential here, what he really means is revive that rumor about Hillary being a lesbian. Don't forget that you are violently opposed to gay marriage, and that it will be Hillary's first order of business, aside from installing her lesbian lover into a wing of the White House.
Tackle issues families care about and Republicans too often shy away from....like gay marriage! It's going to be mandated!
Go after people who aren't traditional Republicans. Aggressively campaign for the votes of
Be strong on Iraq. Democrats have bet on failure. That's looking to be an increasingly bad wager, given the remarkable progress seen recently in
And don't forget our best holdover slogan: We need to defeat the Iraqis and all their fellow terrorists over there so that we don't have to fight them over here.
...And did I mention gay marriage?
• Revolting Rove
• Embedded Press
As much as I loathe Rove, I think he was masterful at manipulating the media. Between media news blackouts, and the whole idea of embedded press in the war zone. Or how about leaking WMD info the the press, then coming back the next day quoting the very press they had just leaked to, therefore making it believable to the masses, and worked that angle of if anyone questions it, they are unpatriotic. The guy will likely have a special place in hell for his doings, but anyone who could pull off a 2 term Bush presidency, fabricate a war in Iraq, and work those puppet strings for all those years gets some kind of special dishonorable mention, don't ya think?
Sometimes I think the media puts in known controversial crap just to stir up a reaction.
I hope they are flooded with anti Rove feedback.
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