Tuesday, October 09, 2007


I'm Not Bitter--Really.

One of the best things about flying is flipping through the Sky Mall catalog. On the way home from DC I tried to engage my spouse in finding the most useless object offered for sale, but she tends to lose focus quickly.

It's just as well. She's really very sensitive to sexist slights, and if she'd seen these gravity-defying shoes, she might have been furious that they are offered only to men. If she had seen the many features available to that other sex, such as the Hidden Height Enhancer, or the Industrial Grade Master Spring, or the High Grade Polymer Sole, I don't know what she would have done. We might have gotten kicked off the flight.

I should probably point these stylin' shoes out to my friend, Zippie, who has been quite footwear minded in recent weeks. Even though they are for guys, perhaps she'd like to slip on a pair for her final days at what has turned out to be a most disappointing workplace. She could defy gravity as she strode the halls those last times, armed to the teeth with the following:

That's right, consumers--a marshmallow gun! I'm sure that this worthy weapon is covered by the Second Amendment, and it might do Zippie a world of good to fire away on that final day. If nothing else, she could develop a new line of Ultimate, X-treme S'mores.

It's so wonderful to live in the USA where consumer options include a fine firearm like this one.

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

You don't have to be, since Elvis is alive and well and morphed into a robot. He's dressed handsomely (if partially) in the black leather of his '68 comeback and ready to entertain you and your chums with some of your favorite songs! You can remain in the court of the King for life!

As a semi-retired old biddy on a budget, I can't quite decide whether I can choose between having Elvis serenade me on 8 "D" batteries, or whether I'd just prefer to give my trailer hitch a sense of humor with a Don't Shoot! Deer waving desperately from atop its ball. Or shall I shoot my wad on an E-Z Chord Kit that will have me playing my favorite songs on the guitar in just one hour with one finger?

So you see, I'm not bitter. If I can't wear gravity defying shoes without looking like a diesel dyke, I can accompany Elvis, and with only one finger.

It's still a beautiful world.

Not to worry, now that I've given notice I spend each day selecting footwear designed to offend my horrid boss and her enabler, the Mormon CEO.
Today's selection was a pair of bright turquoise Crocs, which I paired with a pair of black khakis and a black polo shirt.
Gone are my little Coldwater Creek and Macy's career-wear costumes. Bye bye suits, hello dykewear!
P.S. If you replace that marshmallow ammo with hard wine bottle corks and actual gunpowder that would make the ammo penetrate sheetrock, count me in.
I don't want to cause any bleeding, just a few horse bruises around the glutes.
I want my marshmallow gun to be "modified" by Zippy.

found your blog through Karen's DWiP comments. Nice work!
Wow, You guys are going absolutely bonkers and for damned good reason! Count me in, I want on this bus!
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