Friday, October 26, 2007


His Kind of Disaster

DUBYA: Hi there. What's yer name?
VICTIM 1: Scott.
DUBYA: Scott? Scotty? Scotch tape? How 'bout I call ya Sticky? My name, BTW, is Mister President.
SCOTT: I know, Mister President. It was nice of you to come out today.
DUBYA: No problem at all, Sticky. This looks like a real nice place you used t'have. Is that a tile roof I see at my feet?
VICTIM 2: It sure is, Mister President. It was a beautiful, Mediterranean style split-level.
DUBYA: 'Scuse me a minute, Sticky. I got to spread the love here. What's yer name, Little Lady?
VICTIM 2: Lorraine.
DUBYA: (gallantly) A purty name for a purty lady, Lainie. Come on now--group hug!
LORRAINE: I can't believe it's really you! We voted for you --both times!
DUBYA: Well, yeah, Lainie. You can bet your Bible I wouldn't be here if you hadn't. The time of the President of the United States of America can't be spent just anywhere. And I'm countin' on you to bring this state into the fold in '08. I was talkin' to my friend God just this morning, and He told me why He smited you with a thousand blazes. Y' let him down, Sticky, when this state ended up in the blue column both times! (He gives him a sharp little squeeze). He was not well pleased, Sticky!
SCOTT: (still in the clinch, muffled) I'm sorry, Mister President. We did the best we could.
DUBYA: (a little absently) Well, that's all right, Sticky. (Releases him) I'm lookin' forward to your rebuildin' this place, and I'm lookin' forward to eatin' dinner with you when you do.
LORRAINE: You'd really come, Mister President?
DUBYA: Well, sure. You're m'base, after all. You're white, well off, and I can sense that you hate to pay taxes. Is that a little burned down stable down there? I thought so. Did you getcher horses out? Good, good. I feel comfortable with you. Comfortable with your income.Comfortable with Arnold. Yall'll invite Arnold, too, won't you, now?
LORRAINE (breathlessly): Of course, Mister President!
DUBYA: Y'know, I had my own little tragedy this mornin on my way out here. I scalded the roof of my mouth when m'coffee was too hot. (Opens his mouth) You can see right here how red it is. Dang! It hurt like grasshoppers!
LORRAINE: Yes, it's very red. Poor Mister President! You certainly have suffered.
DUBYA: But it's gonna heal, because I'm a optimist. Optimism heals things, and I'm optimistic about your house. It's gonna rise again! About the time the surge restores order to Iraq, that's when your house will be rebuilt and we'll all be enjoyin' a nice meal right on this terrace!
SCOTT: You'll be our first guest!
DUBYA: That's First Guest to you, Sticky.

This reads like an actual Bush conversation. Loved the transition from Scott to Sticky.
The Scott to Sticky was brilliant.
You are becoming quite the scriptwriter.
Suggestion: throw in a "He he".

Halfway expected him to talk about the need for *small government*, folks like you don't want the government interfering with your rebuilding process. Thank You, good day, 9-11, Support the Troops! He he
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