Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Bush Replaces Meat Inspectors with St. Adrian

President Bush fired hundreds of USDA meat inspectors today and replaced them with statues of St. Adrian, patron saint of butchers. "These will be on the floor of every meat packing house," he declared jubilantly.

"What I mean to illustrate today is the power of prayer," the President told a stunned audience at the annual meeting of the Nebraska Cowbelles. "It's important to take our faith-based initiatives to the next level."

The president dismissed criticisms of such groups as the Food and Water Watch organization, which recently pointed out that the U.S. Department of Agriculture has blocked meatpackers from implementing their own mad cow testing programs. According to the group, the US has permitted mad cow vulnerable Canadian cattle into its meat supply and has permitted meatpackers to take such short cuts on unsanitary meat as irradiation and the dipping of carcasses in toxic disinfectants.

"The simple fact is that the cows aren't mad or contaminated; they're sinful. And sinful cows won't respond to all this mental health claptrap and federal regulation. What they need are our prayers. St. Adrian is going to drive the demons right out of those so-called mad and dirty cows."

Mr. Bush advised American households to install St. Adrian statues, which are available from Stupid.com, in their own kitchens. "We can't be too careful about imports, since we only inspect about 1 per cent of 'em, and we haven't prayed over any of them. You will need to provide Christian correction to any products coming from non-Christian nations."

Advisor Ann Coulter added that meat coming from Israel would still need Christian "perfection."

The most blatantly criminal sociopath to ever hold office in America. Why anyone ever voted for him is beyond me.
Amen! Gotta get me one of those St. Adrian statues w the meat cleaver for my barbeque.
Patron Saint of Mad & Dirty Cows.
Mooooving story.
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