Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Larry Craig: No More Mister In-the-Wrong-Place-at-the-Wrong-Time

Having entered his request for the withdrawal of his guilty plea in Minneapolis, Senator Larry Craig unveiled evidence of his commitment to stay out of harm's way in his flying future.

"I have taken steps to steer clear of police stings by purchasing a bit of technology which will, I think, keep me out of hot spots that undermine my commitment to family values," the Senator said following a hearing to withdraw his plea.

"I of course support our law enforcement agencies in their effort to rid airports of sexual terrorism. We can do no less for the safety and security of our citizens in these troubling times.

"I simply do not wish to fall into scenarios that have nothing to do with my personal practices. It was particularly difficult to see the expression on Mitch McConnell's face when he learned of my plea. Of course, it is generally disheartening to see any expression on McConnell's face. He is definitely not my type, or he wouldn't be if I had a type, which of course I don't."

Senator Craig did not explain how his new headgear would keep him out of airport bathrooms, although members of the
League against House Plant Abuse said that they would be filing a request for a restraining order with the court in the near future.

Brilliant. I give you an A+ in photoshop.
Shouldn't he also have one of them mailbox thingies for sanitary napkins?
I want to know if the rest of us slouches can get through airport security with that get up? How rich do you have to be to enjoy the fruits of personal hygiene and safety? I say we should all have such a god given unalienable right. Damn that bastard, he better pass a new amendment or I am going to steal his head gear. Where's O.J. Simpson when you really need him?
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