Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Of Course He Isn't a Homo!

What a mess for poor Senator Larry Craig. This paragon of traditional family values goes home to Idaho via the Minneapolis airport, then accidentally stumbles into the men's room that has been listed on gay sites as a hot place for action. He takes a little whizz, out in the famous meet-and-greet urinal area favored by studly flight attendents and hot airport employees, then realizes that he has to go Big Potty and heads for a stall.

While seated, his foot falls asleep, so he stomps it a couple of times to wake it up. How was he to know that it was a signal among the cognoscenti? Then he stomps it again, and slides it up and down, accidentally moving it toward a foot in the next stall.

Then I'm sure he runs out of TP, so he sticks three fingers into the next stall in a mute request for toilet tissue.
BAM! He's busted! And not a shred of paper anywhere!

Such a simple misunderstanding. I'm sure the Missus is behind her man a hundred per cent. His whole Senate career has been based upon the defense of family values. He doesn't want homos getting special treatment like the right to marry or the right to be a partner's guardian for health issues or the right to be considered for employment based on qualifications rather than their private lives.

And his guilty plea? He only did that because he assumed that he'd write a little check for his fine, and nobody outside the Twin Cities would hear a thing about it. Then it would all go away. He was so traumatized, being treated like one of those homos. And by a black cop! I'm sure you can understand his terror and confusion. I'm sure they don't have Those People in Idaho.

Of course, having given the matter some thought, he's quite vexed with the people who busted him! They're hearing from his lawyer now!
Give 'em hell, Larry!

In the meantime, here's Larry with his date for the big barn dance. He'd have been glad to go with Rep. Foley, but Foley was too busy, being busy with the fight against child sexual abuse and mentoring kids and all. And Ted Haggard has had his percentages changed. So he had to settle for the tickly mustache.

The arresting cop was a white guy with blond hair. I mean, come on, Larry might be a closet queen but he's from Idaho- they don't do black dick, and I'm pretty sure Larry's a catcher, not a pitcher.
Larry did the right thing, fling his card on the table, pay the fine and get the hell home in time for dinner. I mean, think how pissed the little missus would have been if he came home late for dinner with this lame excuse. "Sorry I am late. Some weirdo in the airport accused ME of being a homo, and I was fighting for my rights, my job, our home, our reputation, and damn near my life." She would have kicked his ass if he did that!
I'm not sure the poor dumb wife has ever been close enough to his ass to kick it.
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