Sunday, August 12, 2007


Leaked Campaign Document Reveals Heavy Brylcreem Contributions, Use

Former hair product giant Brylcreem is contributing heavily to the Mitt Romney campaign, an anonymous source has revealed.

"This man has the potential to bring back the wet look," the staffer acknowledged. "The president not only sets domestic and foreign policy' he also mirrors the nation's values on what constitutes attractive hair."

Brylcreem dominated hair preparations in the 1950s.

Brylcreem, a little dab'll do ya,
Use more only if you dare.
With Brylcreem the girls'll all pursue ya,
They love to get their fingers in your hair.

Brylcreem's place in the market was eventually eclipsed by Vitalis, whose ads featured a model wearing clean white gloves after having caressed her man's hair. The heyday of both products was eventually brought to an end by blow drying and hair gels. A comeback in the 80s during the Reagan era failed to revive the market for the former giant.

"This guy could really turn things around for us," said William "the Weasel" Wily, CEO of Brylcreem. Bush's hair was a little too bushy to work with our product, and John Kerry looked just plain dried out. Gore has that bald spot; my heart goes out to him. But this Romney guy, with his well tailored suits and slicked down look, he could be big. He's absolutely glossy, and there is no higher compliment I can pay a man's hair," he added solemnly.

The Romney campaign had no official comment on the Brylcreem presence. It has been noted that Romney's sons, prominent on the Iowa campaign trail, have tested positive for the product.

"I am sure that they are using it in moderation," a friend of the family said.

Romney redefines the term "slider." I'm just saying.
This CEO is stock pumping trash. If the Reagan era could not revive this bottom feeder, the Romney era sure as hell cannot. Sell short you morons, and do not believe this Wily asshole. He's a loser and a traitor.
If you can't impress people with bullshit, dazzle them with lots of slicked down hair. have this in the hopper for Sirens..can I post it or what?
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