Wednesday, August 15, 2007


To Pursey, with Love

As I mentioned in my recent schmooze-post, I have become very fond of Pursey Tutweiler, over at Live at the Gay Agenda. I am also fond of her fellow bloggers and am a real fan of them all, so this "artwork" raises real conflict in me.

Lola, of course, can't bear to see this done to Cary Grant, whose children she doubtless would have loved to bear... Pursey issues a primal scream of sorts--will somebody photoshop this?

Alas, I am more of a photoshopper than I can bear to admit on most days, so I apologize to Cary and Lola (and hope that she will treasure sharing a coordinating conjunction with him in this sentence) and offer this up on the altar of friendship to Pursey, along with a little bit of "Un-fair to Remember" (a nod to Woody).

DUBYA: I have a corsage for you.

KARL: How thoughtful. I don't believe that I recognize the flower, though...

DUBYA: It's a turd blossom! Pulled it right out of a cow pie. Kinda made me thinka you.

KARL: You were thinking of me? (giggles nervously) Gosh, thanks!

DUBYA: Kin I ask ya somethin kinda personal?

KARL: Anything, Mister-Going-To-Be-President-Someday!

DUBYA: Isn't yer head kinda big for yer body?

KARL: I'm packing brains for two, dear!

DUBYA: Whuzzat?

KARL: (coyly) I'm expecting!

DUBYA: Well, it sure ain't mine.

KARL: Oh, never mind. Just don't make any dates to meet me at the top of the Empire State Building.

DUBYA: Where's that?

OMG, I am laughing so hard I can barely breathe. I haven't even gotten to the script, but the title, "Un-fair to Remember" is making me howl. Thanks for tearing yourself in two over this, and Lola will forgive you if you promise her a song and dance number in "Un-fair to Remember!"
It reminds me of my fantastic script about Woody jilting me named "The Way We Weren't." That film never got made, but I think Woody will find this filum irresistible. Okay, I am signing off to read the script.
So far the script is great. If you can do a 30 minute script you still have time to film this and submit this to Sundance. The deadline is September, so work fast! This movie is a real crowd pleaser. Everyone loves a great love story.
Gee... these new duds have a softening effect on these kids... there are echoes of Richard Crenna (may he rest in peace) in Dubya, and --dare I say it?-- a blush of the Dalai Lama in Turd Blossom.

I'm sure this comment will draw howls of objection, but still...
I think that it's the shoulder thang on Karl's dress...
Jeez, I had just removed the mental images from my brain and now I have to re-clean it all over again.

Karl lost weight everywhere but his head. Some kind of weight loss magic I guess.
Some say that Rove resigned in order to get a big head start on writing a book about the Bush legacy, fearing that the extreme far left would publish first and therefore distort the legacy of what would become "This once great man." I think you have lovingly captured both men, look at the way Bush offers his non-smoking girlfriend a ciggie in that fancy holder. Yes, the drape across Rove's shoulder feminizes and humanizes a man with the unfortunate moniker of Turd Blossom. You are doing a great job with this love story and I encourage you to continue. This cannot be stopped, it is history in the making. And as usual, only the historical truth will come out, no whitewashing, nothing of that sort. Keep on writing, my friend, you are capturing the heart and soul of "Un-fair to Remember." References to the Dalai Lama are only natural on this spiritual journey.
Gasping for breath - choking - OH CARY, WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU? I AM FAINTING (hand clasped to forehead in despair)

But I do love the script, it is so well written, and pithy!
'skuze me, 'skuze me! This is a brilyant skript, and if you MAke it a FILum, I would be HAppy to diREKt it.

'skuze me, somebody call a AMbulance for Lola.
Now that I have stomped on the requests of my loyal but limited amount of friends, I am unstoppable. Now I have a request, yet another, for you. You can tell me to shove it into a pipe and smoke it, but that will not stop me from making this request, nor alter my warm feelings towards you.
Okay, here it goes:
I would like the title changed to "To Pursey with Love" because it reminds me of that fabulous song, "To Sir with Love," by Lulu!!
How are ya?

I'm appalled, is how I am. This is sacrelig, is what it is to mess with Cary Grant and Debbie Kerr.

Especially with Turdblossom and Shrubya as the replacement heads. Pardon me while I lose lunch.

But the script is pretty damn good, so I'm all fer that.
Well, Bobby, you have a point. But I do think that the dress does wonders for Karl. He's been masquerading in those coats and ties long enough.

Pursey, you do have a point, and as you can see, I have altered the title.

Woody, I would love to have you direct, and I will doubtless need your assistance in unifying the script.

Lola, I do owe you and Cary an apology. Fortunately, Cary is beyond these worldly indignations, but I do feel your pain. As you doubtless understand somewhere in your creative being, artists must sometimes be ruthless in the pursuit of sick new truths.
Attn: all you Lulu sycophants!
I kissed her right on the mouth in July of '74. An' she LIKED it.
(I win!)
You are right, sometimes art is ruthless and BITE ME MAN will have to get over this if he wants to be cast in the Grant/Bush role. Woody always demands quiet on the set, and he cannot hone is craft if Bobby is going flipping nuts over ruthless art.
How are ya?

I am being cast as Senator Patrick Leahy. I know, you gotta be wondering, what's a star like me taking a supporting roll and bun in two filums in a row? But even though the Grant/Bush roll and bun is perfectly sooted to a hansome guy like me, I still hate Shrub too much to impernate his dumbass on the silver screen.
Zippie, it's all about you, isn't it? Thank heavens we didn't go any farther. The gory details would be splashed all over, locker room style.

Bobby, I do understand your repugnance at playing W, though no one will be able to fill the tuxedo quite the way you could. Perhaps we can get Zippie to play the roll and bun. She is, after all, a Texan and a genyoowine dyke, which gives her special improvisational strengths, since dykes have to improvise wherever they go.

Zippie, are you willing to don a tuxedo for arrrrt?
'skuze me, 'skuze me, but I am REdy to start diREKting this FILum as soon as somebody tells me the cast of rolls and buns.
I want to play Laura and I demand that BITE ME MAN play my worthless husband. It is the dramatical roll and bun of a lifetime, and Bobby, give up your newfound principles to do something for someone else.
How are ya?

arritaredy, I'll play the dummass. But I gotta wear nothin but red suits. NOTHIN but red suits.
You are soooo talented...really I have to go attempt to get this spot out of my brain...merci.
Fucking awesome Lulu!
Okay, I'm laughing now! That is just too funny!
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