Monday, March 26, 2007


Bush Ponders Post-Presidential Options

Declaring that he has "many producionary years ahead" of him after he leaves office, President George W. Bush shared some of his thoughts about what he might want to do in 2009 and beyond.

One possibility, the president said, is the "Popacy. I can do those blessin' and benedickin' gestures real good."

When reminded that he was not a Catholic, Mr. Bush observed, "I'm not a statesman, either. Look how far I got with that."

Another, more logical possibility would be for Mr. Bush to assume the duties of Commissioner of Baseball. "I'd be great with the players, since we all take the same 'roids," he said, hiking his pants up a little.

Finally, Mr. Bush may throw his hat in the ring as another possible father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. "Given my resume, I think I got a real good chance. I'd wait till after Jan. 20 to make the announcement, a course, but ol' Laura's got that empty nest thing now that Jenna's off to be a world famous arthur, and Barbara's doin' God knows what. That baby is a major franchise, anyhow. I'd be a great daddy, what with the upbringin' I've had."

I think it's pretty safe to assume he won't be arthering any memoirs.
But then, he could hire a neo-con ghostwriter and call the tome "My Way or the Highway."
Look out, Bargain Bin.
As for Bush being Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy, somehow I don't see him as much of a procreator.
I mean, why fuck a woman when he's been so busy fucking the entire world?
Nah, I see him going on the lecture circuit. Think of the hick town cretins who'd pay to hear that dimwit meander about his days as president.
Oh, and you'll hear it here first- that "ranch" in Crawford will be sold as soon as he's out. It was merely a prop to help solidify his "cowboy" image.
On second thought, I can see the Pinhead on TV informercials, selling Franklin Mint-type patriotic crapobilia.
Just picture him with his "earnest look," talking about how we all need a big plaster eagle with a flag in his beak in our homes and offices.
I can see it- can you?
Oooh... a big plaster eagle. I like it.

How about a series of really unfortunate belt buckles? He's a belt buckle kind of guy, after all. There could be Support Our Troops, the Lord is a Cowboy, and other snazzy versions.
The series of unfortunate belt buckles is a great idea. Why don't you design those platter sized ones that say Bush. Then the cowboys can trot around with a big Bush sign over their manly parts.
I think a Bush buckle with an arrow pointing down would be nice.
I think the best unfortunate belt buckles would say things like "Mission Accomplished" or "My Pet Goat."
Yesterday, His Bushness said that the Democrats were at fault for not funding the troops, even though he's also said that he will veto any troop funding bill that comes out of congress. I think his belt buckle should say "Nobody's home."
Whoa! That's the start of a product line right there!!
Okay y'all I am cracking up!
How about a belt buckle that says, "The drawers are empty?"
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