Sunday, February 04, 2007


Administration Cuts State Department, Launches Rice on New Mission

In a bold cost-cutting move, the Bush Administration today cut the Department of State to a half-time department, stripped Condoleezza Rice of her Cabinet status, and contracted her out to the Girl Scouts of America as its special ambassador for cookie sales.

"We no longer plan to pursue diplomacy in this Administration," declared Dick Cheney, as he packed Rice off on a commercial flight with her cartons of Thin Mints, and Do-Si-Dos. "However, in recognition of Condi's loyalty to the President, we have devised this mission for her. It's bound to spread American goodwill throughout the world and enable us to allocate more resources to the wars we will no doubt initiate."

President Bush added that the move would prove to America for once and for all that he was an environmental president, addressing the problem of global warming. "Condi's been burnin' up a lot of jet fuel, zippin' back and forth between all those photo opportunities. This'll bring real savins for the American people and for the environment."

Rice seemed philosophical about her change of status. "He's the Decider," she acknowledged. "I'm already hard at work on developing the right marketing strategy for the Girl Scouts' many potential markets. I think that the Filipino market will respond strongly to the Tagalongs. The Iraqi people will no doubt line up for the Thanks-a-Lots, particularly as their own food supplies dwindle."

Rice detractors wasted no time in dubbing the half-time Secretary of State the Cookie Monster, but Rice herself remains upbeat. "I am only really concerned for the Pink Pony, who may lose interest in the trajectory of my career. She gets so skittish around large, crashing noises."

I hope Condi will be as successful in her new duties as she was with the old. Praise Him!
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