Sunday, January 28, 2007
Libby's Lawyers Seek Clemency, Cite Peer Pressure from "Patently Bad Bunch"
I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby's lawyers launched a new defense strategy over the weekend, calling for probation for their client because he hadn't been in trouble with the law before, and had fallen in "with a pretty rough crowd." Libby recalled his early encounters with one of the gang's chief bullies, "Mean Dickie" Cheney and his enforcer, Paul "Big Gefilte" Wolfowitz.
"It started with my lunch money. Every day that I went to school, there he was at the playground, demanding cash. I didn't get lunch for a semester." Libby's mom finally wised up when she noticed her already puny son's weight loss and arranged for a lunch ticket, kept with one of the cafeteria's pink-smocked ladies. "She was like an angel of mercy," Libby recalled. (Today, Libby's wife bears an uncanny resemblance to that cafeteria lady, and rumors persist that she conceived their children in a pink smock.)
Libby, never a large chap, finally joined the gang. "You join a gang for protection," he emphasized, "Not necessarily because you embrace its goals." Joining the gang meant being 'beat into' the gang. "Getting beat in and beat out of the gang are the only means to entry and exit," he said. Libby declined to describe the initiation rite, but compared it to an equally secretive ritual of Skull and Bones.
Libby acknowledges that he is currently in the process of being 'beat out' of the gang. "The trial is a form of 'beating out'. None of Dickie's other members are corroborating my story. They are sticking up for Karl 'King Slime' Rove."
That Rove is a higher ranking gang member goes without saying. However, gang spokesman say they are puzzled by Libby's efforts at bolting from the pack. "We told Scooter that the gang would take care of him. That's why George 'Billy Goat Balls' Bush has that presidential pardon--to take care of the gang."
# posted by Lulu Maude @ 9:31 AM 
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You are so good! Right up there with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.....your posts crack me up every time! As for me, I'm in a place of feeling like blogging is a "should" rather than a "want to". I hope I get past that one of these days - I miss the community of watching each others' comments, etc. Oh well - thanks for all your kind notes and encouragement!
Billy goat equipment? My gelding had none, but at least he owned up to his mischief.
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