Thursday, December 21, 2006


Bush Taps Cub Scouts for Iraq 'Surge' Forward

Tapping into talent pool that he called "bright-eyed and bushy-tailed," President Bush today called on a significant number of Cub Scouts to supplement the current war effort in Iraq.

"The enthusiasm and patriotism of this group are without peer," said the President as he greeted the surprise recuits at the Toys for Tots drop-off in Falls Church, VA. The Cubs had originally planned to hand out toys with the Marines who were sponsoring the drive, but wound up committing to boot camp instead.

"He's cool," said Tommy Tucker, 7, of his new Commander-in-Chief. "His arm farts are the grossest and the best."

White House insiders said that the initial Cub recruits had been linked to the administration's "No Child Left Behind" education policy. Students scoring in the bottom quartile of tests given to first and third graders were the first to be tapped. "Students who don't excel at pencil and paper tests often possess other talents at 'hands-on' activities, such as breaking down doors and exploding ordnance," said an aide to Mr. Bush. "Participation in the war effort after years of academic frustration can turn into a real boost for self esteem."

Critics of the plan have cited the lack of military gear available for soldiers the Cub Scouts' size. Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, an early proponent of the program, who is continuing his six-month farewell tour of American and international military bases, repeated, "You go to war with the army you have." Rumsfeld pointed out that the younger, smaller soldiers would be able to wear gear from Toys R Us at a significant savings to the American taxpayer. "Those plastic helmets are surprisingly sturdy. And remember, bicycle helmets are manufactured to meet strict federal standards."

The President made the first-of-a-kind move on the Cubs when recruiters from around the country indicated that even the glut of skinheads willing to make themselves available to the war had dropped off, calling for what he called "a fresh, creative approach to the way forward." He warned that not even the Brownies would be safe if they didn't keep their grades up.

Bush restated his need to "enter the new year clear-eyed about the challenges that remain in Iraq" and brushed aside criticism that the Cubs were too young to be away from home.

"We're only talkin' short-term surge," he said. "They'll be home in time to greet the Easter Bunny."

Ah yes, fresh young blood. I see that your wit is a crackling as ever!
Let me take this opportunity to wish you a delightful holiday season, and a fresh and shiny new year. It is a joy to have found your blog sight - you really tickle me with your great humor and insight!
Ah, arm farts. What a way to run a country, eh?
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