Monday, September 18, 2006


Hey, Gang! Collect Them All!

In a bold move said to be the suggestion of Vice President Dick Cheney, President Bush today deputized PBS's popular Teletubbies, enlisting them in the war on terrorism.

"If the government is going to subsidize their existence, darn it, they may as well earn their keep," declared Bush in a hastily called press conference. "I am commander in chief of the armed forces, which includes any publicly funded characters that we may deputize for duty."

Once drafted into the war on terror, each Tubby was given a new face, corresponding to the principal members of the administration.

"There was a little pushing and shoving going on there," confided an insider who asked not to be identified. "Nobody wanted to be Tinky Winky. Cheney finally accepted the assignment, since he had some experience in the area."

Bush insisted on being Po, said the source, principally for the two-wheeler.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was mildly resentful of her Dipsy character, although she acknowledged that the color of the costume was best suited to her personal "season." "Condi is a "late winter/early spring" and therefore will look best in the color associated with tender new leaves," declared a spokesperson.

Democrats quickly criticized the move, accusing the administration of co-opting the characters, not to fight terror, but to impress their images on tender minds in order to ensure Republican majorities for generations to come.

*tears dripping from eyeballs* That is hilarious! I just don't know how you do it.
I love the pointy thing on Dipsy's head. I'll bet she loves to poke it through Po's head ring.
She can carry him a long way with that sucker.
She HAS carried him a long way.
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