TakeYourMedicine

Reeling from criticisms about having lied about a "seven-pound perch" that he caught on his Crawford, Texas ranch, George W. Bush has decided to let it all hang out about a more personal matter: the size of his penis.

At a gathering of economists, Bush shared the information, noting that he was no doubt among his peers: "Anybody who spends as much time as you fellas do on money and the economy have to be compensating for something."

First Lady Laura Bush expressed relief at her husband's revelation. "He's ruined every one of my best tea towels by rolling them up and inserting them into his pants. Some rock star taught him that in his pre-salvation days."

Bush noted, "The Lord's johnson is the biggest of all. He who walks with Him knows a swelling that no Vig-RX can match."