TakeYourMedicine

Vice President Dick Cheney denied rumors that he has been snoozing through key meetings on Iraq and revealed that he has instead been conducting non-stop prayer sessions in the hope that continuous communication with the Almighty would get Him off his case and ease the problems that have recently besieged the administration.

"I told George, 'Mr. President, you've got your hands full, and frankly, I've been a little remiss in my own religious obligations. Let me handle this one.'"

Cheney hasn't uttered a word to a mortal since. Aides say that he spends time in his White House office and in his Maryland bunker in direct communication with God.

It was Tom DeLay who urged Cheney to make sure that he was right with the Lord, insiders say. With Scooter Libby under indictment for his role in the Valerie Plame affair and Karl Rove certain to face accusations of his own, DeLay convinced Cheney that he would probably be next in line. "You can only grease God's Palm with earnest prayer," he is said to have told Cheney.

Other administration officials are discussing the possibility of launching their own prayer rotations when Cheney completes his.

"We've dumped enough doo-doo on the White House lawn for everybody to wield a shovel," an undisclosed source revealed.