TakeYourMedicine

Okay... it would take a little plastic surgery to carry this one off, since the Dick possesses two chins to Ozzie's one. That aside, this look has much to recommend it: MTV has established the Osbourne image inextricably intertwined with family values, a Republican issue on the platform if not always in practice.

Then there's the outsider thing: metal rockers fall away from the mainstream, as the Dick recently has done. They like the edge of uber-violence, as does the Dick. And this look even comes with a pet! God knows, the Dick could use a friend these days.

Rumor on Penn Avenue is that Dubya is a bit envious of this incarnation; the Dick gets to hang out as the Dub was never fully able to do. And there is the additional cost of plastic surgery. The cost could put the skids on this idea. Additionally, Lynne has put her foot down about the chopper, given the accident-prone nature of the guys in this administration.

It'll be great if this one hits the streets. Alas, it may never make it off the drawing board.